An eye. A blushing cheek. The princess senses her desire for the lad, gets scared and flees. The lad is puzzled.

''Afraid of = desires, wants''

The notion of wants and desire

Everything that we really want or desire, we also fear. Similarly, everything we fear, we also desire. I know this may seem confounding, and from experience I also know that some find the notion very provoking – but before you reject the idea, give it a chance.

‘I am afraid that you won’t like me the way I really am’ (I want you to like me the way I really am). ‘I am afraid of getting lost’ (I want to get lost so that you will miss me).

Table of Content

In the limited space available here I will just briefly outline some extreme situations, where the notion may seem counterintuitive but will prove valid when it is interpreted correctly. ‘I am afraid of dying’ (part of me wants to die so I can escape the difficult challenges of my life). ‘I am afraid that something might happen to my children’ (naturally, I don’t want anything to happen to my children, but I do miss the advantages of not having kids – perhaps the lack of responsibility and the freedom?).


In the illustration, the princess senses her desire, becomes afraid of being rejected and bolts. Have you ever had that experience? Feeling a strong desire for someone or something but being afraid to pursue it? Holding back because you are afraid of losing control or feel unable to fathom the consequences of giving it your all? In that case, you are not alone – it is a common human phenomenon, but it is ­unhelpful in terms of making the most of life. The better you are able to be present in the ­moment and stand up for yourself, your needs, your mission, your vision and your values and everything that is you, the bigger the chance that you will seek out the ­challenge that have the greatest potential for satisfaction.

When you are afraid, it is helpful to examine what it is you want or desire. When you feel a desire, it is helpful to examine what you are afraid of. That will help you understand yourself better and become more aware of where the real danger lies in the given situation. And then you can use your wits to circumvent or eliminate the danger.

You need to be a member to see and take the test