A noblewoman politely turns down wearing a hat than another noblewoman offers her. The noblewoman keeps pushing and says that, after all, she is such a party girl, and a funny hat would be perfect for her. In the final drawing she wears the hat and tries to act a party girl.
"Once upon a time, there was a woman who became what others said she was."
The notion of projective identification
Projective identification occurs when we become what others say we are. The question is why on earth we do that. What makes us identify with someone else’s perception of us and become someone we are not?
The fact that we are not seen for who we are, that we do not insist on being seen for who we are, and that we do not just walk out but instead abandon ourselves, thus treating ourselves unkindly, leads to the only possible answer, which is in fact the explanation for most of the challenges we grapple with: low self-esteem.
Low self-love, which has led to an emotional yearning for love that means we would rather abandon ourselves and satisfy other people’s perceptions of us than embrace who we are and give ourselves the nurture and affection we need. We simply have not learned a better approach.