A satisfied king with a yummy cake. The loving king kisses the queen. The king is asleep on his throne with the dragon curled up on his tummy. The king hugs the princess, who is not really in the mood for a hug. The king speaks to the wise wizard. Content and satisfied, the king strokes the dragon’s head.
''Once upon a time, there was a wise man who knew that he enhanced his self-esteem when he fulfilled his needs.''
The notion of objects of need
An object of need is the object that best meets your needs and reduces your inner tension. As described in the previous chapter on needs, there is a close link between needs, objects of need and satisfaction. The art is thus to identify your personal needs as often and as much as possible and to match them as well as possible with objects of needs – with due consideration for other people’s norms, values and morals as well as familial and social bonds. The gratification of certain needs will have to be delayed out of consideration for other people, but too many needs are pushed side due to lack of attention, an inability to sense ourselves, obstacles we put up for ourselves, poor personal leadership and low self-esteem.
As adults, we build self-esteem by fulfilling our personal needs. Conversely, we erode our self-esteem when we let ourselves down out of excessive consideration for other peoples’ – perhaps even unstated – needs, because we hope that they are going to like us better or because we do not to want to be any trouble.