The dragon is distraught. The king is refusing to take it for a walk. He hands the task to the princess, who just needs to be left alone. Now the king is relaxed and satisfied. The dragon is dissatisfied as it pulls on the leash, held back by the resentful princess. The dragon burns the leash with its fire breath. Now liberated, the dragon is satisfied. The princess is angry and dissatisfied, since her need did not involve going for a walk. The princess lost out, because she was either unaware of or failed to stand up for her own need (to be left alone).
''Once upon a time, there was a woman who had learnt to fulfil other people's needs rather than her own.''
The notion of needs
It is helpful for any human being – and leaders in particular – to acknowledge that most of us are loved for what we do, not for who we are. From an early age, most of us have learned what pleases and displeases our parents. We quickly learn to adapt our behaviour accordingly and thus to push aside those aspects of ourselves that are unwelcome, lest we lose mum’s or dad’s affection. That behaviour does not promote self-esteem, which comes from fulfilling our own needs and achieving satisfaction for ourselves. Instead, it erodes our self-esteem.
The impressive human ability to set our own needs aside is a powerful survival mechanism, and in combination with our ability to focus on fulfilling other people’s needs it can promote both our interpersonal relations and our careers. Our emotional foundation is established and maintained through love and through our parents’ fulfilment of our needs in childhood.