The young princess feels smothered by her loving father. As a young woman, she falls for the handsome prince. After some time, the princess realizes that she also feels smothered by the prince.

''Once upon a time, there was a woman whose choice of partner recreated the emotional inadequacies of her childhood.''

The notion of choosing a partner

In our choice of partner, we will always, subconsciously, seek to recreate the original conditions of our childhood family context. Striving for development is part of human nature, and so we keep returning to unresolved conflicts and situations. By unconsciously recreating the emotional inadequacies of our childhood, we motivate and ensure contact with our need for development.

Table of Content

At a deep, underlying level, what we find arousing in a potential partner is linked to our parents and general childhood experiences. What we like and dislike, how we were loved and how we love are beyond our conscious control, but we can change these aspects in a conscious personal development process.


The princess feels smothered by her loving father. She has not learned to assert herself and to stand up for her own boundaries and needs. Until she learns to do that through an active and deliberate effort as an adult, she is going to continue to choose men who may superficially appear to be different from her father but who resemble him emotionally and thus bring out the same reactions in her.

As children we depend on our parents for our vital needs and protection. We have little ability to change our parents and are bound to accept them, for better and worse. As adults, we can break free from our acquired patterns and seek learning elsewhere. When we do that, we can meet our parents in a new way, and as a result of our personal changes they may even begin to change too. Amazing, right? Imagine: through our own personal change we begin to meet the world around us in new ways, and in turn, it too begins to change.

You need to be a member to see and take the test