The queen is telling the king something that is important to her. The king does not get it, which the queen notices immediately. She raises her voice more and more, because she wants to be heard. The louder she talks, the more the king retreats, and eventually he walks away. Meanwhile, the queen is getting increasingly venomous. Finally, she stands alone, shaking with pent-up anger.
''Once upon a time, there was a woman who wanted her husband to hear her when she spoke. She talked more and more because she could tell she was not being heard.''
The notion of being heard
The need to be heard is just as important as other needs. It is a difficult need to fulfil, however, because it requires something of another person, who may not always be willing to meet it – especially because it often arises as part of our normal day-to-day communication and is less easily identifiable than certain other needs, such as thirst. That is true both of the person who has the need and, in particular, of the person who is the object of it.
As with other states of tension, the need varies in intensity – sometimes it is more pressing than other times. When we are heard we achieve a deeper contact and understanding, and that forms a basis for the continuing development of the relationship. That applies not only to our contact with others but, at least equally, to our contact with ourselves.